A story of meltdown

I have become such a control freak that I no longer handle change well. I can't remember if I talked about it previously on here, but I think growing up my life was so damn out of control that as an adult I hold very tightly to my routines and rituals. Either that or I was born with it and no amount of therapy will help.

Every Friday for the past 4-5 years I have stopped at Starbucks and gotten the same drink and same food in the morning on the way to work. If I didn't work Friday, I would go Thursday. About a year ago they opened a new Starbucks that is on my route to work. Yay! So I started going there and ordering the same drink and food.

Now that we have Aaron every other week and he's going to Bowie, I have to drive out of my way to take him to school and then figure out the coffee route. This morning I tried something new: I went to a new Starbucks. I drove up and there were probably 12+ cars in line for the drive-thru. After finding a parking space and walking back to the store, the whole patio was covered with soccer moms dressed in workout clothes. (They were only kidding themselves; they just didn't want to get dressed this morning.) Going inside, there were at least 20 high school students waiting in line for drinks. The girls in their skinny jeans, Ugg boots and horizontal-stripe long sleeve t-shirts and the boys wearing jeans and Aero/ Aber t's. I didn't even get fully inside the store. I decided I couldn't handle this much change at once. Not only was it a new store, but it was a whole different group of people, very different than the mellow Oak Hill Starbucks with a few people inside reading the paper and chatting and the standard 4-5 cars in the drive through, or the S Lamar store with the perpetual Pop-A-Lock guys hanging out outside and the weird laptop dude that only people-watches.

So I did what any other not-sane person would do: I backtracked halfway home to go to my Oak Hill Starbucks. I added about 20 minutes to my commute, but that's okay, this is worth it. Then lo-and-behold, there were two new people behind the counter. Any other Friday that may not have been huge, but I was still trying to recover from my anxiety of the last 20 minutes and I almost wanted to cry. Almost. I kinda tried to tell the new guy what happened (kinda) and it didn't really make sense, so I ordered my usual fare and went over to wait by the bar. Then I saw the girl who usually takes my order smile and wave, so it was maybe not so bad. My Starbucks had not been completely invaded by newpeople.

I got my fare and left.

I think I need therapy because this is pretty much not-okay.

Bouyancy

I have been noticing more and more that my attitude and responses are negative. I bitch about more things than I appreciate, and my sarcastic comments aren't always well-received. I think negative responses have become a habitual thing. More and more I am okay with not-nice comments and thoughts. Not that the world needs to be popsicles and butterflies, but there's really no reason to be a cow all the time. Nobody really likes that person.
Appreciate the life I've been given and bring others up instead of down.
I went to lunch today with some friends and we were talking about this very issue. S brought up an article in the New York Times that mentioned that bad habits spread at least two steps. If I'm grumpy, it makes her grumpy and then her fiance grumpy. The same goes with social behaviors- drinking, smoking, weight gain, whatever. (of course it's true- it was in the Times!)
I don't know if it's been me or Kevin, but we both have been progressively pessimistic lately, especially about the new house.
I think it's time to start a new trend. I have some friends that are extremely nice, thoughtful and aside from an occasional funny comment, very positive. I am going to take a cue and make some changes. I don't think there's a need to lecture Kevin. If the article is right, it should be contagious, right? We'll see how it all goes.

Randomness

• I cannot focus as well with my hair down- it has to be pulled up, even if there is nothing but a binder clip to keep it there. Same with watching a movie.
• I eat everything seperately. A hamburger and then fries, a vegetable and then the meat. I eat all of the cucumbers out of a salad, then the broccolli and so on until just the lettuce is left and then I eat that. If I'm feeling adventurous I'll mix it up.
• Speaking of food, I almost always leave a small portion on my plate when I'm done. Most of the time it's just a bite or so. I didn't notice this until my stepmom pointed it out and said my dad does the same thing.
• I drink the exact same coffee from Starbucks every Friday. Any other day of the week I get my alternate and I very rarely cross the two.
• For some reason I'm obsessed with getting a degree. But when I talk to school counselors I get anxiety and walk away again.
• Kevin and I split everything. We drink out of the same glass at home and always share a plate when we eat out. Habit, I guess.

That's all for now- I'm sure I'll update later.